Dear Boy,
You were all for being friends, really close buddies. But I wasn't ready. Duh.
Now that all has been said and done, we have another shot at friendship. Nice and jolly, we are.
But it's not like that, isn't it? I think part of you is still scared of me. Which makes me feel rather placated, tolerated and insulted, because I really do want things to be pleasantly platonic.
A quick review of my posts dated in the years 2007 to 2009 reveals that I've been updating this blog on an average of 2 times a year. Previously delegated as a lost cause by yours truly, it'll now be revived, and hopefully not die for at least the next half a year. Hey, it's a start.
Exam results were released at 11 a.m. today. My original plan was to wake up around that time - not difficult, courtesy of jetlag - but I was rudely awakened by shrill female voices at 9.57. At first, I thought it was my Mum screaming at someone (haha...) but it actually came from two women arguing under the void deck, and was audible despite my closed windows, thick, quasi-sound-proof curtains and 2 layers of blankets over my head. And you thought most people would know better by the time they reach the big 4-0. Grrr. My grades were pretty much expected, even the C+ I got for New Media Research Methods. Now THAT was a lost cause. Maintained my CAP and the double major, but a guaranteed, or at least higher chance of getting my second upper, still remains a prayer and tonnes of hard work away.
Last night, I spent an hour trying to cry under the covers. It sucks when you're missing someone and feeling so profoundly empty and stupid at the same time, but can't let it out of your system. When the tears finally came, they didn't me feel better. So I consoled myself by eating a muffin.
1 more day to Pakistan! At this time tomorrow, we'll be heading to the airport with boxed provisions for my dad and a suitcase full of trepidation and fear (That's just me. And there're also the most unflattering, boring outfits that I'll never be caught dead in on local soil, but let's not talk about that because it's only going to depress me further). My biggest regret is that I won't be bringing my trusty Olympus E-520 along, although there are definitely some
kickasssss photo-opps. It's part of the whole 'shut-up-and-try-to-blend-in-'cos-that's-already-hard-enough-when-you're-the-only-Chinese-person-within-the-the-next-ten-metres' strategy that we try to adopt over there. Although it's not my first trip, I'm still unsettled by the whole prospect. Then again, the smallest things make me antsy; just the thought of the random power shut-downs and a shower that trickles like the wee of a newborn baby is enough to make me cringe. On the bright side, I know I'll return to Singapore brimming with enough gratitude and appreciation to make me wet my pants. Que sera, sera, etc.
Labels: Pakistan, School
