It's 7.07 a.m. during the morning rush hour. I'm slightly early again today as usual...anyway I'm jotting down my thoughts in a little blue notebook as I commute to CLEMENTI (holy shit, i know. I still can't believe it too.) because I'm really sick of getting these spontaneous bursts of inspiration to blog at the wrong moments; read: away from my PC. So I guess "mobile blogging" is the way to go...some people prefer using their cell phones or PDAs, but I'm too old school. ;-)

I'm usually a morning person--- a fact that the earlybirds in the Council Room can attest to...even the divine mr sng aka laosai boy. This morning's no different, except that I haven't exacltly had the time to do anything to my appearance other than throw on some clothes. On the to the MRT station I realised that I didn't have a drop of moisturiser on my face, so the latter looks and feels like Spongebob Squarepants out of water. My neglected crowning glory has chosen the perfect time to stage a revolt, and being the size of a freaking Swiss cottage lately has left me with minimal fashion options. So I pretty much resemble a bag lady from Lardland with a pile of multi-coloured hay on my head.

There's this girl on the opposite row of seats with a pretty interesting bag. It's a plain, semi-transparent tote which says, "This has been a total waste of makeup. Some women get so excited about nothing, and then marry him." The message sounds obscure, but kinda amusing in a bimbotic way. I'm still very pissed off (mostly at myself) and embarrassed about the whole "oh, I'm so confused, I have Man Trouble" nonsense, which involves a certain gent with a pleasantly low voice. I think I can safely say that his interests lie elsewhere (i.e. probably fancies another), so I WISH I wasn't thinking so much when we were out. Dammit.

All this writing is seriously therapeutic. It's like one of the best, infinitely cheaper alternatives to travelling, for the purpose of relaxing and de-stressing. Obviously nothing can beat going on a nice cushy vacation, which is waaaay more pleasurable for the senses, and there is (big fat DUH) NO WORK when you're exploring a exotic new place where you're treated so nicely cos of your status as a tourist. I really miss travelling! Italy and Switzerland was fun, despite me having to overcome my disappointment at being able to afford SQUAT in the world's fashion capital. Thank God for SATS employee privileges. For upgradable seats. You know, ever since I started working I'm actually beginning to realise how hard my Dad slogs for all these. Work is indeed a struggle, most of the time! Bahhhhhhhhh.

On a lighter note, TODAY'S PAYDAY! =D

Show me the money, baby.

Men.






MEN.


2007
8:50:05 PM
bryant
now i seriously agree with ____ (name omitted to protect the innocent) that guys are jerks
1/15/2007
8:50:12 PM
bryant
picking up the pieces again.
i have seen a lot of cases in 2006.


Tell me about it.


1/15/2007
9:04:42 PM
picking up the pieces again
he has this way of looking at me
1/15/2007
9:04:49 PM
rui. dj's scratch vinyls on the wheels of steel
haha
1/15/2007
9:04:51 PM
picking up the pieces again.
ANYWAY.
1/15/2007
9:05:04 PM
picking up the pieces again.
i think im just being dumb la
1/15/2007
9:05:07 PM
rui. dj's scratch vinyls on the wheels of steel
haha
1/15/2007
9:05:11 PM
picking up the pieces again.
i dont exactly like him
1/15/2007
9:05:16 PM
rui. dj's scratch vinyls on the wheels of steel
like "i wanna touch her but i rather play WoW"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's Sunday night! This means that there's work tomorrow...swell. It's not that I hate my job. I just wish that it's more interesting. Let's just say I count paper jams as one of the highlights of my day. The printers at Venture Fumigation are seriously, SERIOUSLY overworked. Anyway, it's gonna be another 6 days of commuting to Clementi and back. I need another shopping fix like ASAP man. Which reminds me...TOMORROW'S PAYDAY!!! Well, maybe Monday ain't so bad this week.

I think I've just been imagining things with the gentleman I mentioned in one of my latest posts. Anyway I'm kinda sick of all this romance shit......was telling Weld that it kills my ability to write nice, long blog entries. Gerry says my posts sound sadder now. I think I just blog better when I'm pissed off, sad, confused and feeling extremely pre or post-mentrual. Speaking of PMS, I just thought about this fantastic article in a 2002 FHM mag written by a female columnist about the dreaded time of the month. I wish I still have it now but I think Mum threw it away for very obvious reasons. Apparently my Dad bought it, hid it in the study but never had a chance to read it --- it was still in the plastic and everything!

Grrr shit I think I just made things awkward. Dammit why are some guys like that.

Have a wonderful week, folks.

i think the weird symbols in the last posts are ' signs. Something must have happened when I typed my post in MS word, copied and pasted. ah well.

enjoy what's left of your weekend, everyone.

my tagboard is quite sad eh? haha...everything including the template is new.

(taken from http://www.metacritic.com/video/titles/americanbeauty )

Starring Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, Thora Birch, Peter Gallagher, Wes Bentley, and Mena Suvari

Provoked by forbidden passions, Lester Burnham (Spacey) decides to make a few changes in his rut of a life, changes that are less midlife crisis than adolescence reborn. The freer he gets, the happier he gets, which is even more maddening to his wife, Carolyn (Bening), and daughter Jane (Birch) --especially when he turns his lustful gaze toward Jane's friend, the sultry Angela (Suvari). (Dreamworks SKG)

An outing with Elk and Foo last-last week provoked me to start thinking about this movie I watched on the plane last month, on the flight back from Switzerland. I think it's an absolutely smashing film, weaving so many different subplots so beautifully around a single main plot...everything just fits together so perfectly in the end like a jigsaw puzzle. I'm not gonna bore you with the explicit details about what goes on in the movie, but if you're interested you can google 'American Beauty' and see what you get, or better still try and get a copy of the DVD or VCD and see what everyone's been raving about, and why this film won Best Picture at the 1999 Academy Awards.

Elk was telling me that the movie made her realise how much people just want to be loved. Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning play a married couple who are trapped in a loveless union, and they each look towards other people for the affection and passion they so desire. Then there's that homophobic ex-military man (whose name escaped me) who's actually a closet homosexual, but disowns his only son because he thinks he's having a gay relationship with Spacey's character, and THEN looks Spacey up and tries to snog him. There're many other examples in the movie which explore our innate, maybe even DESPERATE desires for love and acceptance (calibrated according to our own strange standards, probably.) , which drive us to do stupid things we regret afterwards. To me, above everything else, there also seems to be an underlying message that tells us that we don't always get second chances in life. In the end, Spacey's character starts to think about his family and there's this dangling glimmer of hope that he may perhaps attempt to reunite his family......before the gay military guy looks him up and blows his brains out. His death is the cherry on top of the whole sundae of tragedy, I guess. How the control freak Annette Benning allows her obsessive desires for success and perfection to make her loose control over her own sanity, how the Jane the angsty gothic teen finds solace and companionship in her weed-smoking boyfriend with a habit of filming random objects---like plastic bags being tossed about in the wind---how Angela tells everyone about the numerous sexual experiences she has when she's actually a frightened, confused virgin......it’s a symphony of misfits, which in the end, climaxes at Spacey's demise. Along the way, the film also explores many issues that have afflicted America (and the world) since godknowswhen but have become more prominent ever since the advances in technology and media trends followed the advent of the 21st centu...like homosexuality, the impact of the media on you...and THEN we are reminded that despite all these changes, and more to come, we are all essentially still very much human. Whether it's 18th, 19th, 20...or even 33th century, it'll be hard for us humans to escape our own inner demons. Such is the magic of films like the...they have a way of bringing in reality and socking you in the face with it.

Maybe we're all misfits in our own right…maybe this world is indeed one gigantuan (Ka Fai’s word) symphony of misfit individuals, each with their own quirks and weird characteristics. The big question here is, who’s the conductor of this whole symphony? Everyday as I commute to work in the wee hours of the morning, I’m hit by the wave of stress that’s conveyed by the morning rush hour. Occasionally I can’t be arsed to engage in any complex, stimulating, thought provoking attempts to comprehend the way the world works, but sometimes I find myself wondering for the billionth time whether these people know what they’re actually rushing for. I mean, of course they’re definitely the go-getters who are CRYSTAL clear about what they want to accomplish in this life, but somehow I get the feeling everyone is rushing ‘just because’. It’s like some people are still trying to figure things out but are worried that they will get left behind in the rat race if they just hit pause for a sec. So they just carry on running and running, in a manner that’s not unlike hamsters running on wheels within a cage. Yesterday’s conversation with The Bass also included my personal experiences with elite schools, and how they don’t necessarily make a difference. I think it’s the tragedy of Singapore’s youth, the way young ignorant children are shuffled from elite school to elite school (some parents are particular about PRE-SCHOOL options; don’t get me started.) and how their minds and spirits are molded by the competitive and harsh environment that exists in most top institutions. I’m not saying we shouldn’t send our kids to elite schools; obviously parents do it for the sake of their kids, hoping that it will pave a smoother road to a bright, promising future. I’m saying that elite schools may not NECESSARILY be the best for every child.

Okay, I think that’s enough rambling for one morning. Anyway, I woke up at 6 a.m. this morning, my mind filled with thoughts about yesterday.

I think it’s mainly a physical thing. Bloody hormones.

I think.

Today's my off day from work. Commuting at least 5 days a week to Clementi from Tampines is seriously taking it's toll on my already hopelessly shallow pockets...I guess the bloody adult public transport fees have made us all realise how much we used to take the student fare for granted. Anyway, since Saturday is the mother of all socialising days (yes rui, so says I.) I refused rot at home, so I went out with this guy, a senior from choir. To protect all innocent parties, let's just call him The Bass.

He had actually suggested that we go out a couple of times before, but the outings never materialised...not that The Bass is an asshole or anything, of course. I was just inexplicably uncomfortable around him because we never really talked and got to know one another before that. So today we met for lunch, movie, and then spent the rest of the day window shopping and drinking coffee, ended up talking abit about our secondary school experiences. It was basically very regular conversation, contrary to what Qingyun thought when she spotted us in the evening..that girl threw me obscenely suggestive looks! ;-)

I don't wish to elaborate on anymore details, but I do know one thing: I'm confused. I think I'll never understand the opposite sex. Men are such incomprehensible creatures, it's impossible to figure out what they're thinking. Let's just say that my experiences with guys haven't been really pleasant...I'm talking about the romantic kind, not the friendship.I guess perhaps it's partially my fault as well. Maybe it's something to do with the vibes I send off --- I absolutely HATE being labelled as an airhead, the sort of girl who just needs to be treated well and sweet talked, but maybe that's how i act like? Is there a huge sign above me that says, 'AIRHEAD: ENTERTAIN ME. SPOIL ME! YAY!' in flashing neon letters visible to every single bloke that's had the misfortune of liking me! Like, sending off all the wrong signals..so in the end guys don't bother to get to know me, and the opinions I have about many things. In the end, it's grossly unfair when things ends in tears and people start pointing fingers, that I'm some hypersensitive female psychopath. I'm not claiming to be highly intellectual or smart, neither do I intend for all this to sound egoistic. Bottomline is, I'm sorry if I seem a little defensive, or come across as too guarded and prissy...but if you really do like me, make sure you know me better first. Okay I think I've digressed waaaay off tangent; this has nth to do with why i'm confused in the first place, but it IS something i need to get off my chest. The Bass is a nice guy, but maybe I'm reading too much into things. Or maybe it's just some leftover post-menstrual hormonal surge.

Gahhhh.