You can discredit all of this as the nonsensical ramblings of a bitter and cynical bitch, and not read Better still, 'cos you won't be getting a whiff of the bad vibes that I intend to blow in all directions.

I'm beginning to see relationships in a new light. Relationships, as in, BGR. Maybe it's the green-eyed monster rearing it's ugly head, and I know alot of people who hate me for saying this, but I'm finding it really really hard to believe that such 'love' will last. No matter how wonderful a relationship can be, no matter how much people love one another (I'm not discrediting the very NATURE of that love, mind you..), everything will eventually fade. I think it's really hard to look at things from my angle if you're attached and blissful (so if you're happily attached and still reading up to this point, I would advise you to stop.) or unattached but hopelessly desperate.
Movies and television dramas of the Romance genre capitalise on the failure of many to look at love and relationships from this angle. Envy the happy couple on the screen, huh? Oooh, they're finally together after so long!! Happy ending!! Pass the Kleenex, and excuse me while I blow my nose.

I mean, has anyone ever paused to think that the love may fade as time passes?? I mean, yar so the lead actor and actress may have gone through a shitload of stuff together, and I stress once again that I don't doubt the existence of the very strong emotion called Love....I mean, at THAT POINT, or at least for the whole duration of the movie everyone naturally hopes that the 2 star-crossed lovers will over come all odds and live happily ever after, cos people BELIEVE that they deserve to. "They love each other so much!!! Let them be together!!!" " AhhhH!!! why did he die!! she loves him so much!! why can't they live happily ever after!!!" Hello!! Maybe their love will fade? OR (this is my absolute favourite) love can CHANGE into something else -insert bitter, sarcastic chuckle here, please- I mean, love is an EMOTION after all. The only unconditional love in this world is the love parents have for their children.

So if you're a depressed and lonely singleton, and you start envying all the blissful-looking couples strolling hand-in-hand past you, think again. That relationship may very well end after some time; whatever happiness they are choking up the air with may very well be short-lived. "True love"? how about "distant memory".

Hurhur.

Oh, shut up.

I love leowwwww! Isn't she cute???
Hahahahaha!

:)



power to the shorties.

So you tell me what I'm supposed to do. Today's lunch with Foo, Bra and Ja (eh that actually sounds kinda cute :p) proved to be extremely enlightening. *cue long string of profound expletives* Hah. Don't get me wrong, I mean..it was fun and relaxing to just hang out with my fellow ex 29-ers, but I also found out some things that made me want to throw stuff at some people. Argh. Ignore the follow paragraph, which has been shrunken to make sure readers continue having a (hopefully) pleasurable and smooth reading experience. I just NEED to rant so I can get on with my work.

So how. Are you happy now? Since MAY. oh wowww. And you're supposed to be fucking ATTACHED?! My goodness. So you think it's gonna be easy for you now huh? You are smooth, girl...only starting to make your move now. And before you start thinking of adopting the whole cutesy, adorably blur persona, just piss off because FYI, I'm so much better at that than you are. I just see no point in showing that side because there's no fucking point leading people on initially when you're gonna expose what you're really like in the long run. I mean, COME ON, that act's so old it should be given a hotseat at the museum. But GUESS WHAT darling? Your little performance seems to be working! *delicate gasp* bless your little vulnerable heart! It's quite evident, no? I'm not blind, bitch. I have eyes to see...and my intuition was correct. Bitter? you bet I am, not at the original circumstances but because of you having the audacity to even THINK of doing all this. I'm surprised no one but me has seen through your little act. And I pity your poor oblivious boyfriend, whom you'll probably dump in the long run using some absolutely absurd, self-righteous reason. I KNOW, bitch, because I am female too. I know all the tricks, baby. Cut the act, cos only one person is stupid enough to believe it. My gosh you are a complete disgrace to whatever fluffed-up sisterhoods of women this planet possesses!

Grrrrrr. Bite me.

Now, the rationale pearlyn speaks again. I'm desperately in need of a miracle to make me pass the prelims!! I want retail therapy, coffee, lots of love, cheesecake, straight As...not necessarily in that order. Yesterday was quite a productive day cos I skipped double GP to study in the library. Managed to finish one set of Bio notes on Nervous Control...alot more chapters to go though! Arghhhhhhh!!

Wake me up when September ends.
Prelims start on September 11. *groans*

I really don't like what I'm turning into. I guess I'm more confident and assertive, but it's making me more cynical and blasé (an alex word) towards pretty much everything emotional that's happening around me. It's shocking, because I really underestimated the aftereffects of the breakup. I'm less of a people person, I actually prefer to be alone now...I'm less sympathetic and reactive to things, with a jaded attitude towards romantic relationships with the opposite sex. Terrible, terrible shit. I don't want to be like this..but I guess I've just been moulded by circumstances. Do failed relationships really bring out the worst in people? Rach told me yesterday that she's noticed that I hate ambiguous relationships with guys. She's right...I don't see the point in dallying with people who're not really serious about the whole commitment shit, screwing up my emotional stability. Contrary to Rach, I see no need for such people in future. I think this attitude of mine is even more apparent after The Episode. I admit it, I'm a bloody control freak who cannot stand grey areas in relationships, who cannot stand being uncertain about circumstances. No matter how attractive someone is, as long as he's not serious and yet tries to get his little share of fun, he's a complete dickhead. I mean, HELLO? It's like, so are we gonna just be friends or are we gonna get it on? -ahem- (note to rach: no sexual connotations, hun. :p) Why do some guys not see that besides romantic relations with the fairer sex, there also exists genuine, valuable friendship? How can you bear subjecting that maybe-more-than-just-a-friend girl to that sort of confusion? She may be really really afraid to lose you as a friend! Granted, such arrangements may be alright if both parties have a clear idea of what they want and what they're in for, but most of the time people usually change their stands as the relationship passes...one party may become more attached to the other party than planned. I rest my case.

woahh. okay, I think i've digressed so much from what I originally intended to blog about, I forgot what I wanted to type already. oh well...gonna start studying again. Right after I have a good shit.

Love.

I'm leaving today
Living it
Leaving it
To change

Slowly drifting
Into a peaceful breeze
Tongue tied and twisted
Are all my memories
Celebrating a fantasy come true
Packing all my bags
Finally on the move

I'm leaving today
I'm living it
Oh, I'm leaving it
To change

As I'm driving
I'm captured by the view
So much beauty
The road becomes my muse
The heat is rising
And my hand surfs through the wind
Cool, calm, collected
Is the child that lies within

See, I'm leaving today
I'm living it
Oh, I'm leaving it
To change, oh yeah
See, I'm leaving today,
Oh yes I'm
Living it
Oh, I'm leaving it
To change

But somehow I miss it
I think I'll really miss it
One day, yeah, yeah, ohh

I turn up the radio
And I'm feeling like I've never felt before
Turn down the memories of
Yester-years and broken dreams I bring
Finally free
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Slowly drifting
Into a peaceful breeze, oh
Ohh
Ooh, yeah
I'm leaving today,
Oh yes I'm
Living it, oh yeah
Leaving it to change
To change, oh no

See, I'm leaving today,
Oh yes I'm
Living it, living it
Leaving it, leaving
To change
Whoa, oh, oh
I'm leaving today
Oh, I'm living it
I'm leaving it to change
Living it, to change, yeah
Oh ooh, ooh, ooh, oh yeah
Living it, leaving it
Said, I'm living it
I'm leaving it
(Woo, ooh, ooh)
Living it, leaving it
To change
I'm leaving it to change

But somehow I miss it
I think I'll really miss it
One day, yeah

thank you, alex. I will always remember your advice..looking forward is definitely the way to go. a big hug to all those who've supported me, especially the depressed table gang...to Dooong in particular, who supplied me with tissue constantly (3-PLY!!). It's hard, but I'm definitely more than halfway down the road to recovery.

I give you my blessings. You refers to meihui, ah mao, elke, and you.

to a very special friend whom i caught up with recently, im gonna pass this bit of good advice around: keep on looking forward, cos it's the best way to go. remember, you're always loved and appreciated. hugs. different people heal differently, some heal slower than others..but i sincerely hope you will be able to find your happiness back soon. love ya, guan. :)