Some things are just better left unsaid....for now.

okay? =)

Rawrrrr. I'm quite drained, physically. Mentally, I think I'm doing alright. For now.

So many 'for nows' lately.

Let's stay like this for now. I don't know where it's leading...but I don't want to end up saying or doing the wrong things now, and screwing up big time. I have a feeling that I will.

But I'm happy. Really.

I've stopped skipping so regularly, for now. Mrs Lam even suggested that I make a sign that says, 'I'M NOT DOING MAKE-UP P.E.!!!' and wear it while I skip everyday. HAH. By the way, for the uninitiated, people who miss P.E. lessons without valid excuses have to do make-up, which is either 1000 skips or running 2.4 km for each lesson you miss. Mrs Lam's starting to be nice to me. I think all P.E. teachers like people who take the initiative to exercise. Mrs Goh thought I was Rachel, I think. Yesterday she asked me whether I had finished my make-up P.E., and I told her I was skipping for fun. She was like, 'You're from wushu right?' Quite funny. I think the day when someone justs throws me a skipping rope the moment I walk into the P.E. office, is not very far away.

Until next time....cheers.

You are just filled with love! You eat, sleep and
breathe love. Now, that doesn't mean you're
always a happy cheery person, who doesn't think
of anything else. You have your moments. But
you know there is nothing more important in the
world then to love. The people who are loved by
you know it, because you aren't afraid to show
it. You are the oppurtunity taker, because once
a chance has passed, you'll never get it back!
You're an outgoing and blissful person, who
would loved to be loved like you love people.
People who have you in their lives should be
grateful. Don't change your outlook on life.
You might have a greater impact on people then
you realize.
Motto; Love isn't put in your heart to stay. Love
isn't love 'till it's given away!

Who are you inside? (detailed and yes, with pics!)
brought to you by

It's THURSDAY.

Oh dear.

Sigh. I'm stuck at home for the whole of today, which isn't exactly a bad thing, except that I will be SUPER BORED. Have been hanging out with Xi Wei and his VS friends for the past few days, studying, talking, laughing, studying, talking, talking, laughing, laughing....you get the idea. Those guys are super fun people, and most of them were from the same primary school as me! Heh..Taonanites rock. Anyway, Mummy's decided that I shouldn't go out so much to study, so I can't join them again today at ThaiPan (is this how you spell it?) or the funky sushi place at Parkway. Ah well. Shall spare myself the carb-overload. Haha...silly boy sms-ed me to ask if I want to study in school instead, 'cos he probably thought Mum will allow. Study in school for what! See the crappy OM, who prowling around more than usual, now that it's the holidays?? Rawrrrrr. Horrid man.

I finally sent the Boy the email. Hope he reads it soon. :-/ I don't really know what sort of reaction to expect...he'll probably be pissed off, but whatthehell. I had to tell him.

The emotional junkie is really hooked. Dammit.

Pearlyn knows she has a problem.

Okay, she has problems, the biggest of them all, being her revision for the promotional exams, which is, incidentally SCREWED UP...but that's another story. She's got a problem with YOU, she wishes that YOU would just leave her alone and respect the boundary she has established clearly. She's totally disgusted by YOU and your apparent OBLIVION; are YOU really that blur?? How can YOU even bring yourself to talk to her like that still? She's still very disturbed by how YOU treat relationships--she is no f*cking doormat. Evidently, YOU haven't LEARNT ANYTHING at all. Or maybe, YOU're just trying to avoid facing the repercussions of your earlier actions; they've hurt her ALOT more than she expected. Little scars, unnoticable most of the time, but reminders, nevertheless. This is not how YOU handle things--just sweeping them under the carpet and hoping that the other person won't notice. Pearlyn's bothered. She doesn't know what to do about YOU, but she knows she has to tell YOU that it's really over, and you really shouldn't waste each others' time. Get the HINT, boy. Or does she have to spit the words in YOUR face before you decide to face the music?

She's an emotional junkie, who chases after temporary HIGHS. She's constantly swept away by the high romance of magical moments, letting herself get caught in a web of feelings that almost, always clash. She doesn't mind though; it's her FIX, it makes her happy. She can't stop thinking about you these days. She knows it's wrong, and she wonders why, and HOW she has allowed herself to even think this way. You make her so comfortable...so carefree, and she thanks you for it; it's been awhile since she's met a guy like that. She loves the chemistry between the both of you, the adrenaline rush of the emotional FREEFALL. In her mental image, she's screaming her head off, she's plunging from a height that's waaaaaay above ground. It's her new addiction, her new drug.

At the same time, you make her feel as fragile as a leaf in autumn, just falling to the ground.

She knows it's wrong, but she can't control herself. She can't wait for her next fix. And the next one. And the one after that.

Just me being random.

Seems like ages ago.

It's been almost 3 weeks now, without you as a major priority in my life. Yeah, you were one of my priorities, go ahead and embark on the ego-trip. I can't exactly describe what I'm feeling at this point, but all I can say is that I'm most certainly not heartbroken, depressed, regretful, etc that what has happened, happened.

Ultimate cliche of the week: Everything happens for a reason. Come to think of it, it actually makes a whole lot of sense. What's the use of trying to salvage something that's already so tainted, clawing desperately at its battered remains, with my stubby, unpolished fingers? It will be like putting together a jigsaw puzzle that's got one piece missing; no matter how perfect the rest of it looks, the fact is that it will never be complete again. Seriously, what did you expect me to do? Sit on the vacant region surreptitiously, and deceive the rest of the world including myself? Oh wait a second, I think I was the only idiot who didn't see it coming in the first place.

You carried me like a river
How far we've come still surprises me

I'm not angry with anyone. Even if I have to be angry with someone, who else is there but myself? I won't demand any apologies from you because I know we owe each other nothing. What is there you can apologise for anyway? The sad thing is that I actually let myself think that I was happy and safe under that little haven I constructed in my delusional state, when in reality, I was on such shaky ground. And you know what else is sad? The fact that I thought up all sorts of excuses on your behalf, just so I could account for your behaviour to myself and others. Yes, Boy. Others. People who actually ASKED me if there was anything wrong because it was so evident in the way we treated each another. Or rather, the way you treated me. I still tried. Stupid me.

As I plod my way through each day now, struggling to balance school work and my social life while trying not to kill myself too much, it still strikes me as strange, how you can still talk to me normally. It helps alot---you not acting weird and stuff---but it also scares me. Is this how how relate to everyone? How you see relationships---as nothing but transactions between willing parties? I recall what you said to me before, 'I'm very diplomatic.' Not sure if that's the correct word you used, but basically it was a similar issue we were talking about...you didn't (still don't...?) seem to feel any pain or sense of loss. It's almost as if you treat a relationship or, your favourite word---companionship---like a PHASE which you go in and out of, after which you can just act like nothing's happened and relate to the other party normally. Maybe that's just the way you are, but I'm not like that. And I never want to be like that. So cold..almost inhuman.

I won't watch my life crashin' down on me
Guess I had it all, right there before my eyes

I'm not saying that it's bad to remain friends. In fact, things are a whole lot easier to deal with when we're just friends, and I'm so glad that none of this making life awkward for the people we work with everyday. You will eventually learn to deal with relationships on a more personal level. This 'break' we're having has indeed given me lots of time and space to ponder and reflect, and even though at this point, given my level of understanding of your character, it's probably a chance for you to ditch another troublesome burden, I hope that you will nevertheless, learn from what has happened and continue to be happy.

Girl I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind.

You bet I was. Seeya in school. I'm now ready to move on.