"i guess i've had it all, the extremities of feelings...i've loved, and lost, people who i thought i could never live without... i've heard words that mean forever and always, and i've come to know forever and always don't mean forever and always... people say time heals everything... i'd say, time disperses everything, people, memories..."Today was a okay day, I guess. Apart from the fact that I've coughed myself hoarse (that's right ka fai, LIKE A DAWWWWG.) and sound like a frog in heat, that is. I finally made contact with a dear friend after months of fretting that he had disappeared off the face of the freaking earth --I blame M1 for this-- you know who u are :-). So I'm happy, there's Peace in all of Pearlyn-Land and the munchkins in my heard are singing in joy while wearing their celebratory pink lacey frocks.
I got the first paragraph of this post from a friend's blog, and I think it's a pretty good summary of the insights I've gained over the past 6 months or so. Incidentally, I was just talking to Mei Hui briefly about Time being the best medicine because it makes you heal, allows you to understand and lets you discover. On a darker note, I would like to add that along with the healing, understanding and discovery Time rewards us for our patience, we lose part of ourselves in the process. Just abit of innocence, and perhaps a pinch of naivety; I feel that being naive isn't necessarily a bad thing...sometimes it keeps your dreams alive and fills your soul with happy ,happy thoughts. Being naive AND deluded is a whole different thing, however, but we shall leave that for another day.
I read somewhere just last week, that while we often hurt the ones who love us the most, we spend more than half the time of our lives trying to please people we don't even like. That's a pretty fitting description, I'd say, for majority of the human race. People are superficial, period. And with superficiality (varying degrees, of course) often comes a feverent desire for everything to be in place and in order, as well as indignance, frustration and sometimes resentment (targeted at self and others) when things don't go according to plan. I don't deny being that sort of person, but hey, I'm not saying it's something I'm proud of either...but I guess it helps me understand others better in some ways. Looking back on the conversations I've had with different people today, the day really wasn't a waste at all. :-) Another friend and I were talking about relationships and the "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing came up. I said, with my usual brand of self-depracatory sarcasm (hurhurhur.) "Well, I would want a guy who's not a complete dickhead..and who PREFERABLY stick around." Said friend (BLESS her) obviously saw where I was going with this one, and just in time, gently reminded me that we're all human (therefore FALLIBLE *GASPSOHMYGAWD* ) and hence we ladies shouldn't be expecting so much from the Men from Mars when we've got our own flaws to begin with. There are days when I feel like I'm Superwoman, wanting to do everything right, getting self-righteous and even defensive about my habits, my actions, my relationships, the works... and I get massively miffed when people disrupt the balance to The Force. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Once again, as I've done probably a milliongazillion times, I thank the higher being up there for FRIENDS who provide the little doses of kryptonite, not strong and potent enough to kill my spirits, yet sufficient to shrink my supersized ego and bring me down to Earth again.
Having been confined at home most of the time for the past week has got me thinking again...despite the hacking cough that refuses to piss off, I've actually enjoyed the generous amount of Me-time that came with it. It allows me to knock down the fortresses of my mental landscape and objectively examine the swirling pool of conflicting thoughts, emotions, fears and insecurities which I try my very best to hide from the world.
I've realised that all of them are the same.
I've realised that some things just aren't meant to be. Like, really, seriously.
I've realised that you can make make yourself let go, forgive, move on. But it's hard to forget.
On the contrary, the above 3 points do not specifically refer to what most people will think it is. Then again, it does too. Anyway, it's all helped me to re-evaluate my priorities in life, and think about what I really want. That sort of thing never comes without an intimidating cloud of challanges, obviously. But I'm game.
Ending the post on an note of ambivalence..."It's been so long that no one even asksAnd everybody's walkin' on the grassGrass that took a while to reappearI'd forgotten green without you hereChristmas came and went upon this benchTryin' to justify what made no senseNow the ivy's overrun the tearsBut it could never hide what happened herePeople change (people change) everyday (everyday)Change like you (change like you)I got all the time in the worldPeople cry (people cry) all the time (all the time)Cry like me (cry like me)We got all the time in the world"
-from
People Change by
Rockapella (one of my all time favourite bands)
