So you tell me what I'm supposed to do. Today's lunch with Foo, Bra and Ja (eh that actually sounds kinda cute :p) proved to be extremely enlightening. *cue long string of profound expletives* Hah. Don't get me wrong, I mean..it was fun and relaxing to just hang out with my fellow ex 29-ers, but I also found out some things that made me want to throw stuff at some people. Argh. Ignore the follow paragraph, which has been shrunken to make sure readers continue having a (hopefully) pleasurable and smooth reading experience. I just NEED to rant so I can get on with my work.

So how. Are you happy now? Since MAY. oh wowww. And you're supposed to be fucking ATTACHED?! My goodness. So you think it's gonna be easy for you now huh? You are smooth, girl...only starting to make your move now. And before you start thinking of adopting the whole cutesy, adorably blur persona, just piss off because FYI, I'm so much better at that than you are. I just see no point in showing that side because there's no fucking point leading people on initially when you're gonna expose what you're really like in the long run. I mean, COME ON, that act's so old it should be given a hotseat at the museum. But GUESS WHAT darling? Your little performance seems to be working! *delicate gasp* bless your little vulnerable heart! It's quite evident, no? I'm not blind, bitch. I have eyes to see...and my intuition was correct. Bitter? you bet I am, not at the original circumstances but because of you having the audacity to even THINK of doing all this. I'm surprised no one but me has seen through your little act. And I pity your poor oblivious boyfriend, whom you'll probably dump in the long run using some absolutely absurd, self-righteous reason. I KNOW, bitch, because I am female too. I know all the tricks, baby. Cut the act, cos only one person is stupid enough to believe it. My gosh you are a complete disgrace to whatever fluffed-up sisterhoods of women this planet possesses!

Grrrrrr. Bite me.

Now, the rationale pearlyn speaks again. I'm desperately in need of a miracle to make me pass the prelims!! I want retail therapy, coffee, lots of love, cheesecake, straight As...not necessarily in that order. Yesterday was quite a productive day cos I skipped double GP to study in the library. Managed to finish one set of Bio notes on Nervous Control...alot more chapters to go though! Arghhhhhhh!!

Wake me up when September ends.
Prelims start on September 11. *groans*

I really don't like what I'm turning into. I guess I'm more confident and assertive, but it's making me more cynical and blasé (an alex word) towards pretty much everything emotional that's happening around me. It's shocking, because I really underestimated the aftereffects of the breakup. I'm less of a people person, I actually prefer to be alone now...I'm less sympathetic and reactive to things, with a jaded attitude towards romantic relationships with the opposite sex. Terrible, terrible shit. I don't want to be like this..but I guess I've just been moulded by circumstances. Do failed relationships really bring out the worst in people? Rach told me yesterday that she's noticed that I hate ambiguous relationships with guys. She's right...I don't see the point in dallying with people who're not really serious about the whole commitment shit, screwing up my emotional stability. Contrary to Rach, I see no need for such people in future. I think this attitude of mine is even more apparent after The Episode. I admit it, I'm a bloody control freak who cannot stand grey areas in relationships, who cannot stand being uncertain about circumstances. No matter how attractive someone is, as long as he's not serious and yet tries to get his little share of fun, he's a complete dickhead. I mean, HELLO? It's like, so are we gonna just be friends or are we gonna get it on? -ahem- (note to rach: no sexual connotations, hun. :p) Why do some guys not see that besides romantic relations with the fairer sex, there also exists genuine, valuable friendship? How can you bear subjecting that maybe-more-than-just-a-friend girl to that sort of confusion? She may be really really afraid to lose you as a friend! Granted, such arrangements may be alright if both parties have a clear idea of what they want and what they're in for, but most of the time people usually change their stands as the relationship passes...one party may become more attached to the other party than planned. I rest my case.

woahh. okay, I think i've digressed so much from what I originally intended to blog about, I forgot what I wanted to type already. oh well...gonna start studying again. Right after I have a good shit.

Love.