Sometimes, I question the purpose of my existence.

Now, the last thing I wanna do here, is to sound philosophical. There are just days when I wake up, and go ,'Fuck, another day.' Before the holidays, at least there was school to deal with. But now...I don't know. There's stuff to do. I've got that freaking Math Test to study for. There's Orientation 1 2006, which is gonna make us councillors reaaaally busy. I have holiday homework. I have to start studying for A-levels. Oh, joy.

But I don't waaaant to.

I just want to crawl back under the covers and hide there. For the whole bloody day.

I want a baby elephant. Preferably purple, thank you very much.

I want to eat prata. Ice cream. Chocolate. Cookies. Pie. Nasi Lemak. Pizza. Fried carrot cake. Laksa. Pretzels. Sushi. Fudge. Brownies. All the sin-food under the sun. Then, I want to lock myself up in the toilet and stick two fingers down my throat, and watch in satisfaction as everything slides out of my oesophagus in the opposite direction in which it entered. Plop. A mass of indistinguishable crap. Yes, I'm doing this, when little kids in Africa are starving. When grubby-faced children in remote parts of China can't afford shoes, I gorge myself silly and puke everything out, just for the fun of it. Go figure.

For what am I doing this for anyway?

I got promoted. I should be happy. I have wonderful parents who will give me almost everything in the world (even though they can be totally unreasonable and neurotic sometimes, but I guess I shouldn't complain..). I've an active social life. Nice clothes. I have great friends. I shouldn't complain.

Yeah, I'm rubbing it in. Sue me.

I guess I AM happy. Contented, at least. I count my blessings, okay.

She has an angel who doesn't care that she's a crazy neurotic bitch. He's her newest blessing. She loves it when he scrunches his face and looks like a silly but adorable camel. Her heart melts at the sight of him when he rests his head on her shoulder, with his eyes closed. Like a sleeping baby. One that she hopes to cuddle for ever and ever.

But why do people fall 'in love'? Meet, fall in love, courtship, marry, have sex, make babies..not necessarily in that order, of course. Blood, sweat and tears. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow. Where will this lead to in the end? This. Happily-ever-after, an epic love story (in which, I may add, everyone dies for Love. wow.), or a heart-wrenching tragedy? So many people in this world, so many stories. And where do I stand, in this huge web of tales?

I want a Chicken Little. Buy me a Chicken Little, please.

What I want to do now, is to give a really big SIGH.


















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