It's been almost 3 weeks now, without you as a major priority in my life. Yeah, you were one of my priorities, go ahead and embark on the ego-trip. I can't exactly describe what I'm feeling at this point, but all I can say is that I'm most certainly not heartbroken, depressed, regretful, etc that what has happened, happened.

Ultimate cliche of the week: Everything happens for a reason. Come to think of it, it actually makes a whole lot of sense. What's the use of trying to salvage something that's already so tainted, clawing desperately at its battered remains, with my stubby, unpolished fingers? It will be like putting together a jigsaw puzzle that's got one piece missing; no matter how perfect the rest of it looks, the fact is that it will never be complete again. Seriously, what did you expect me to do? Sit on the vacant region surreptitiously, and deceive the rest of the world including myself? Oh wait a second, I think I was the only idiot who didn't see it coming in the first place.

You carried me like a river
How far we've come still surprises me

I'm not angry with anyone. Even if I have to be angry with someone, who else is there but myself? I won't demand any apologies from you because I know we owe each other nothing. What is there you can apologise for anyway? The sad thing is that I actually let myself think that I was happy and safe under that little haven I constructed in my delusional state, when in reality, I was on such shaky ground. And you know what else is sad? The fact that I thought up all sorts of excuses on your behalf, just so I could account for your behaviour to myself and others. Yes, Boy. Others. People who actually ASKED me if there was anything wrong because it was so evident in the way we treated each another. Or rather, the way you treated me. I still tried. Stupid me.

As I plod my way through each day now, struggling to balance school work and my social life while trying not to kill myself too much, it still strikes me as strange, how you can still talk to me normally. It helps alot---you not acting weird and stuff---but it also scares me. Is this how how relate to everyone? How you see relationships---as nothing but transactions between willing parties? I recall what you said to me before, 'I'm very diplomatic.' Not sure if that's the correct word you used, but basically it was a similar issue we were talking about...you didn't (still don't...?) seem to feel any pain or sense of loss. It's almost as if you treat a relationship or, your favourite word---companionship---like a PHASE which you go in and out of, after which you can just act like nothing's happened and relate to the other party normally. Maybe that's just the way you are, but I'm not like that. And I never want to be like that. So cold..almost inhuman.

I won't watch my life crashin' down on me
Guess I had it all, right there before my eyes

I'm not saying that it's bad to remain friends. In fact, things are a whole lot easier to deal with when we're just friends, and I'm so glad that none of this making life awkward for the people we work with everyday. You will eventually learn to deal with relationships on a more personal level. This 'break' we're having has indeed given me lots of time and space to ponder and reflect, and even though at this point, given my level of understanding of your character, it's probably a chance for you to ditch another troublesome burden, I hope that you will nevertheless, learn from what has happened and continue to be happy.

Girl I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind.

You bet I was. Seeya in school. I'm now ready to move on.